Life

When I understood and accepted my own darkness,

You never failed to remind me that I really am,

I guess I was consumed by my own light. 

Not a little bit sympathy, or empathy,

Just another reminder that I am such a failure,

To you,

I'm just exist. 

For Real?

Everybody seems to be excited for 2020,

Literally everybody but me,

Because i know what its gonna be,

Just another disappointing year for me,

So whats the difference then?

Nothing,

Still zero,

Absolute zero.

Lights?

Forgive me for crying,
But my life is hanging upside down,
So i'm allowed to, as loud as i can

Deep inside, the voices are there
I've never been bothered by it so far,

But,

I think i will give in eventually,
Its just a matter of time,
It is so tiring, you can't even imagine

The feeling is real,
That you are not good enough
I feel useless, helpless all the time

I've done everything that i could,
To make my life better,
To have a better future,
To be the best person my family can be proud of,

But i keep turning back to where i started,
Really tired.

Shoes

Some things you tell,
Some things you don’t,

But in the end,
I choose to keep it to myself,

Because i’m the one
that have to go through it all,

People can judge,
They don’t know the struggles,
They don’t understand

Fall Down

the struggle is real,

everyday i persuade myself,

that this tests are not permanent,

sleep still eluded me,

no i'm not feeling better,

nothing feels better,

life is not easy,

Allah please grant me strengths

No Purpose

I’m somehow stuck,
Stuck in the present,
Don’t know where to go,
Where i’m heading in life

I don’t even move an inch forward,
Like i thought i was,
Somehow i’m circling back to my old pattern,
The pattern i was trying to get out from

I’m stuck.
Helpless, clueless
Life is hard.

Murphy's Law

Anything that could go wrong, will go wrong.
Yes life will be upside down but that is not the reason to give up.
Sometimes we need to take a few steps back to jump further.
Persetankan bumi sfera atau rata. Yang pasti hidup ni roda.

Fullstop.

Resolution

I'm getting ready for the new outcomes in 2019.
New possibilities, new challenges, new environment.
Tutup helaian buku lama, bukak helaian buku baru.
Or like all typical social media users selalu tulis;

'2019 please be nice to me'

Smh.
P/S: i'm shaking my head real hard right now.

Something Old

We can't cling to the past.
Because no matter how tightly we hold on,
It is already gone.

RAYA 2016

Eid Mubarak everyone. 

always forgive and forget.

maaf zahir dan batin. 

kosong-kosong.

#berikanmasa

#syukurselalu

busybody

biarlah orang nak kata apa.
bukan dorang ada masa kita susah.
let them judge. let them laugh
haters gonna hate, right?
it's their only fucking job.

The Attitude

Dua ribu lima belas was not my year to brag on.
Too much pain. Too much bitter. Fuck off feelings
So dua ribu enam belas, I'm counting on you.
I'm really looking forward to practice my 'pergi mampus' attitude

Pergi Mampus,
yeah it feels good to say it out loud.

Dua-Kosong-Satu-Enam

hope for a better year.

better me, better love, better life.

Realiti

memang.
hidup ni tak pernah adil.
dan kita yang selalu jadi mangsa faktabnya kehidupan.
ini tak kena, itu tak kena, semua tak kena.
mana adil? mana?
tapi kita kan ada Tuhan.
syukurlah dulu. nanti Dia tambah lagi.

empty heart

it's been a while.

staring at the sky

i thought you were different.

you swore you were and i loved you.

but,

you left,

just like she did.

with a silent goodbye.

how could you?

you promised me you were different.

wine talking

i don't want to be needing your love,
i just want to be deep in your love,
i really don't care where you are,
i just want to be there where you are.

unspoken

too much memories. too much pains.
we're seeking for our happiness in our own way.
maybe not today. maybe not tomorrow. not in the mean time.
but i promise you. one day it will. one day. one fine day..

muka surat takdir

selama dua-puluh-dua tahun aku hidup,
satu benda yang aku belajar.
kalau something tu bukan dalam muka surat takdir kehidupan kau,
walau hard mana pun kau try,
takkan jatuh dekat tangan kau.
nak taknak kau kena selak helaian muka surat kehidupan yang baru,
dengan harapan satu hari nanti kau akan stay dekat muka surat takdir kehidupan kau
yang memang betul-betul untuk kau.

21/11/14

SEDANG

Kata-kata yang tak terungkap.
Tingkah-laku yang menyinggung.
Janji yang hanya tinggal sekadar janji.
Bahagia yang tidak lagi kunjung tiba.
Rindu yang tidak akan lagi berbalas.
Kasih dan sayang yang semakin pudar.
Hati yang sudah tidak kenal apa itu bahagia.
Kesedihan yang semakin berpanjangan.
Penantian satu benda yang menyeksakan.

Oh Tuhan.
Biarlah aku harungi mimpi ngeri malam ini.
Dan bangunkan aku esok hari dengan senyuman paling manis.

Insyaallah.