For Real?

Everybody seems to be excited for 2020,

Literally everybody but me,

Because i know what its gonna be,

Just another disappointing year for me,

So whats the difference then?

Nothing,

Still zero,

Absolute zero.

Lights?

Forgive me for crying,
But my life is hanging upside down,
So i'm allowed to, as loud as i can

Deep inside, the voices are there
I've never been bothered by it so far,

But,

I think i will give in eventually,
Its just a matter of time,
It is so tiring, you can't even imagine

The feeling is real,
That you are not good enough
I feel useless, helpless all the time

I've done everything that i could,
To make my life better,
To have a better future,
To be the best person my family can be proud of,

But i keep turning back to where i started,
Really tired.

Shoes

Some things you tell,
Some things you don’t,

But in the end,
I choose to keep it to myself,

Because i’m the one
that have to go through it all,

People can judge,
They don’t know the struggles,
They don’t understand

Fall Down

the struggle is real,

everyday i persuade myself,

that this tests are not permanent,

sleep still eluded me,

no i'm not feeling better,

nothing feels better,

life is not easy,

Allah please grant me strengths

No Purpose

I’m somehow stuck,
Stuck in the present,
Don’t know where to go,
Where i’m heading in life

I don’t even move an inch forward,
Like i thought i was,
Somehow i’m circling back to my old pattern,
The pattern i was trying to get out from

I’m stuck.
Helpless, clueless
Life is hard.

Murphy's Law

Anything that could go wrong, will go wrong.
Yes life will be upside down but that is not the reason to give up.
Sometimes we need to take a few steps back to jump further.
Persetankan bumi sfera atau rata. Yang pasti hidup ni roda.

Fullstop.

Resolution

I'm getting ready for the new outcomes in 2019.
New possibilities, new challenges, new environment.
Tutup helaian buku lama, bukak helaian buku baru.
Or like all typical social media users selalu tulis;

'2019 please be nice to me'

Smh.
P/S: i'm shaking my head real hard right now.