For Real?

Everybody seems to be excited for 2020,

Literally everybody but me,

Because i know what its gonna be,

Just another disappointing year for me,

So whats the difference then?

Nothing,

Still zero,

Absolute zero.

Lights?

Forgive me for crying,
But my life is hanging upside down,
So i'm allowed to, as loud as i can

Deep inside, the voices are there
I've never been bothered by it so far,

But,

I think i will give in eventually,
Its just a matter of time,
It is so tiring, you can't even imagine

The feeling is real,
That you are not good enough
I feel useless, helpless all the time

I've done everything that i could,
To make my life better,
To have a better future,
To be the best person my family can be proud of,

But i keep turning back to where i started,
Really tired.